Process of opening

The process of opening as a meditation practice instead of the more traditional direct and aim practices I have found has brought about a normalizing effect. It has the potential to take down the boundaries of life in a receptive manner rather than one of cutting of that can arise when keeping ones attention upon a single object, which leads to absorption, which gives the sense of having removed boundaries. The process of opening to thought/emotion as it arises gives permission for life to be present, whatever it is. Which in itself is insightful as it reveals that you are not that what is arising. The process of opening is not taking a position; it is just opening to the processes arising right now. This is interesting as it reveals the positions that we do take in meditation/life.

The processes of ego which are about our survival, these fit nicely into the process of aim and direct meditation. As ego aims and directs and feels into its environment to achieve its goals. When we aim our attention we are training the ego to not get caught up in the environment .Yet if this is done from a lack of wisdom, based on ideas of attainment what tends to happen is a form of suppression. What happens when we can’t maintain the suppression? This form of meditation can give some quick results in feeling composed, focused and energy. But this is all dependent on conditions and can be hard to maintain. Hopefully must of us create enough suffering in this approach that we let go, revealing a more natural and sensitive approach. This is what I found for myself and when I came upon unlearning meditation it made sense to me. The process of opening as a meditation practice opens to all the above influences, revealing how this ego system works, allowing it to arise rather than cutting it off/suppressing. This allows energy to flow, as there is less resistance as we are not trying to control a process, the energy softens and becomes more wholesome as it begins to naturally release that which is unwholesome.  As we begin to open and this becomes a natural inclination in our practice we no longer need to seek special conditions. Yes there are environments which are more conducive to the mind settling yet our relationship to life is not one of escaping from, running from retreat to retreat, teacher to teacher.

 By opening we find stillness in the flow of conditions.

What is opening? To me opening is a sense of being just a little bit bigger than what is arising. This allows me to notice thoughts, the emotion travelling with the thought and the bodily energy associated with it. Which I find gives me a holographic perception of this human experience arising NOW.  What the process of opening isn't to me is becoming vast, massive, absorbing into a sense of oneness through avoidance of life. When we come to a point in having a deep faith in the process of opening we don’t seek experiences, this non -seeking brings about release and cessation of self when the conditions are right. As we open we naturally begin to let life in, which brings about a maturation of our nervous system which is the condition for release.

Happy travelling and be well.

Little self, Big self and Not-self

I have noticed in my practice over the years three types of self. Firstly there is the little self, this is the contracted me caught up in my neurosis, worry, reacting to life as it arises. Doing my best to find some stable ground from where I can set about planing how to control this chaotic vortex of experience. This is the self built upon strategies and self images ( I used to be a Buddhist monk, I am a long term meditator, I am a psychologist  these ideas do not have any actual effect on the chaos apart from creating suffering). They are positions taken due to delusion and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Then there is the Big SELF. To me this is the experience of space, stillness, equanimity a capacity to be bigger than life. This to me shows up in the areas of my life where my practice feels mature, developed, it is my optimal experience. It has a kind of freedom to it, yet it is the illusion that arises from having developed a practice, having had some insight, yet this has been gathered up to create a insight persona,we have become the one who knows.
Then there is Not-self, the big self thinks it knows this. Yet there is a big difference between equanimity and release of the self. It is not a sense of largeness, or vastness that can be attuned to when then mind is very still. It is the end of Self, not ego. Self is the stickiness that believes it is ego. Not-self is a moment of non stickiness, when life is not taken personally, no self is being constructed, it is a non experience. A hole in the fabric of self experiencing. Giving rise to faith in liberation, leaving a perception which seems to be neither a perception or a non perception that informs the process of spiritual development which aids in the maturation process. Does the experience of Not-self mature? or is the maturation the process of self structures being  released when Not-self arises?
I have to admit my experience in the Not-self arena has been rare, yet it has greatly informed my being. Big self and little self I know well. I feel it is not appropriate to make value judgements on these different types of self, just to open and know them when they are present.