Here we are in another year.
For Me, as I reflect upon my practice, I can judge myself, imagine strategies to work on the areas of myself that I judge as not being good enough. So firstly I meet these thoughts with care and attention, sensing the content of them. Becoming familiar with these ideas of being a particular self. Rather than making rash judgments about the process called me, I notice how I am with these conditions arising.
How am I meeting my experience?I have found as I find my practice begins to mature my sense of being mindful is less rigid and now flows more naturally with my experience. Less taking a position against my experience, as there are fewer view's about how I should be, who I think I am, what is practice.So for Me, each moment I meet my experience which is arising is the establishment of my resolution. Those who have heard me talk will know my instructions. The intention to be mindful/meditate is the meditation. Being gentle in regards to what is arising/hanging around and passing on in our experience.As this gentleness/care stabilizes we are able to meet the resistances that arise in relation to what is arising.This process I would call Metta.
This sense of caring embrace of the experience leads on as it matures in the moment to a sense of permission, we begin to stabilize with the experience arising and begin to notice our sense of self-arising and the resistances that arise in relation to this sense of self. I call this the allowing of the self-ing process, With this awareness, we begin to see the conditioning factors to our reactivity we find ourselves becoming less judgemental of ourselves and others(Karuna).
With the stabilisation of this quality of care and permission the experience begins to unfold, the resistances are falling away, A sense of joy and freedom begins to arise conditioned by the release of attachment to our self-constructs as we become familiar with our thoughts, feeling and the combination of our experiences that unfolds as our self-story.I would say that this freedom and joy is Mudita. We are able to now enjoy life as it is and feel the freedom of loosening up our self-positioning in regards to life.
As this fluidity of the self of rises to the foreground, equanimity becomes the predominant quality of mind., The mature stabilisation of awareness comes through wisdom, through the process of digesting the experience at a rate that we become familiar with the conditioning factors of the experience and will pass away as new conditions arise to be known.. This process becomes more noticeable as we mature.Notice how there is an aliveness to equanimity which is different to a mind subdued through concentration.
This leads me on to this topic of an integrated practice. I know that to me this idea, of integrating my practice from monastic into lay life etc. I have found as time goes on this question no longer arises. To myself, integrity/honesty built upon gentleness and care towards my experience removes this separation that the idea of integration creates for me.To own my experience without judgment leads to a sense of no one special, not in a negative sense, it is the lack of estimating my experience, trying to decide a value for it. That functional living needs the condition of non-self-positioning so that all forms of self can be allowed. I know I am not there. I notice my familiarity with dysfunction gives rise to functional experiences. My integrity and honesty with myself and others help's support the ground for potential function. Gentleness and care in relation to our experience give's rise to the conditions for a secure attachment to develop, a sense of self-worth that we can step out into the world with the integrity, honesty and a fearlessness.
When I use the word resistances I am talking about sensual desire, ill-will, sloth and torpor, restlessness/anxiety, doubt
May you all be well, may this planetary existence become one of wise coexistence.
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