Becoming Wild

Science has shown that the human body shows signs of having become domesticated. As animals have become domesticated for human consumption so to have humans become more domesticated. This I guess is partly needed due to the size of the human population, yet seems also to do with the elite controlling the masses for their benefits which has been happening for 1000's of years now. We have rules. roles and societally acceptable behavior. This I feel is part of what I call the Pink Floyd syndrome( comfortably numb).

This same intentionality I fell gets brought into the development of meditation, the desire to be comfortably numb, to not have to feel and be with the wild chaos that life is. When I have heard from teachers, friends the legends of great Dhamma teachers there is a wildness to them.  Great stillness yet an ability to manifest not limited by the social constraints and shame that society, religions, cultures put upon us.

I notice in myself that as I grow I also feel more wild, fearless. Will express myself and sometimes that may shock others, not to say I should not question my behavior if it is felt to be extreme, but sometimes I use language that people think is coarse or rude.  My use of language is used to express the feeling tone /emotion that is being expressed. What I noticed in my upbringing and watching myself with my kids, and observing parents out and about. The desire to control our kids because they are to wild for our sensory processing. They may be too loud, to into others space/your space. There can be a sense of overwhelm that come with identifying their behavior with oneself then how we imagine others thinking of them/me. I find my own wildness being allowed and allowing my children to be themselves is interconnected.

What stops me being alive, vital and wild. To me, this is an attachment to rights and rituals. The belief if I act, speak in a certain way I will be rewarded with love and acceptance. I learn to suppress those parts of me which are likely to prevent this, this is a natural survival mechanism when we are young and need the protection of the mother/family. A side effect of this is developing negative attention when like myself I felt that trying to fit in just meant I felt like I did not get notice so I begin to do the things that don't fit in with what the family, society like and so get attention in a different way. When I was a monk and consciously holding a monastic training in mind it showed these polarities, the goody-goody and rebellious ( in it negative form, I feel that awakening to life as it is the most rebellious process one can undertake).  These beliefs about how we should be are what fuels the hindrances(sensory desire, ill-will, sloth and torpor, restlessness/worry, and doubt).

So as we meet our experience with gentleness/care and permission, the stories which have been created about our self's we become familiar with these relationships between the experience arising now, the stories created in the past arising now dependent on being triggered by the familiarity of the sensory experience. As we become familiar with our stories and the reactivity within them to our environments past/present and future we may sense a kind of freedom. This freedom does not always mean that we don't act out of our conditioning, as we see it more as conditioning we are less likely to shame ourselves in relation to our behavior. This lack of shame helps us to see and reflect on the conditioning process, our self-story. In this way, we become more ethical, and we suppress ourselves less, yet with a wise perspective, we can learn to manage certain behaviors which may lead to harm. Mindfulness being the experience of allowing the arising of the present sensory experience, the reactivity to that, which allows a response to arising from being aware of that. What we often mistake is the idea that we can be aware of something before it arises. Conditions arise, we become aware and claim the experience of knowing that which has arisen. So we are always playing catch-up. Mature mindfulness has been built upon the seeds of gently with care catching up with our experience. This maturation of mindfulness built upon the Brahma vihara's( gentleness/care, compassion/permission, Joy in experiencing, and equanimity) leads us gently into the deep rest of mature Samadhi, a calm and attunement to life.
Mature Samadhi = wild joy/stillness.